Girls: Be flirtatious but not friendly if you want to win business

Roger Dooley´s blog at Forbes.com is a gem - always full of interesting, new and useful information. Today I´m learning about something that women have known forever though...Women who flirt a little in business meetings (with men) are winners in the "get the job-promotion-business" game. Being a prude buddy, trying to act "professional", gets you nowhere. OK, I hear ya...

Friendly or flirting?

"Is flirting in a business environment ever a good thing for women? The answer is a qualified “yes.” New data shows that women using what the researchers call “feminine charm” achieved better results in business negotiations. Flirtatious (vs. merely friendly) behavior also had a positive effect.

Researchers from UC Berkeley and the London School of Economics looked at both social charm and flirtatious behavior by conducting negotiations using male and female subjects, reporting the results in thePersonality and Social Psychology Bulletin. The result of multiple experiments enabled the researchers, led by Berkeley’s Laura Kray, to conclude that using feminine charm produced better outcomes. This was true both in “zero sum” negotiations, where one party’s gain is the other’s loss, and in cooperative negotiations where the gain by both parties can be increased by working together.

You might wonder how the researchers define charming behavior. Here’s how they instructed female participants in one of their experiments to turn on the charm:

In the feminine charm condition, females were advised to be animated in their body movements, make frequent eye contact with their partner, smile, and laugh. They were further advised to be playful and to compliment their partner in as sincere a fashion as possible.

Flirty vs. Friendly

Two key components of feminine charm are flirtation and friendliness. It appears that both are important. Friendliness, which signals a focus on others, increases likability but also indicates a weaker negotiating stance. Flirtation signals a concern for self, which could decrease likability but increase negotiating strength.
One of the interesting conclusions was that friendly women pay an economic price because by demonstrating warmth signals they are seen asless competitive and self-interested. Being flirtatious (and hence apparently self-interested) helped women negotiate better deals. The exception: the deals were worse if the flirting was perceived by their male counterpart as merely being friendly.
In short, the research suggests that the ideal negotiating style for women is to avoid a neutral style and instead use feminine charm. The “charm” should include both friendly behavior and flirtation. The ultimate goal is to be viewed as likable but also motivated by self-interest.

(I feel compelled to add that this research didn’t include any highly aggressive flirtation or behavior that might cross either legal boundaries or typical company guidelines. It would be a mistake to think that if a little flirting is good, a lot is better!)

The “Friendly” Trap

How Women Should Negotiate

Note that much of the perception of “flirty vs. friendly” is in the eyes of the negotiating partner. That is, the same behaviors could be interpreted either way. This suggests that women who want to optimize their social charm benefits need to gauge the reactions of their counterpart to avoid sending the wrong signal.

While all of the experiments were one-time negotiations, this advice should be relevant to more general behavior in the workplace. Women who use feminine charm effectively with co-workers, bosses, and employees will convey the message that they are friendly but not overly accommodating.